Thursday, September 6, 2012

Fuzzy Memory


As I walked today and tried to pray, many thoughts kept bombarding my brain.  It’s truly warfare to try to pray, but it’s a worthy battle to fight.  Therefore, my walk was full of both conversation with my Father and unruly, scattered thoughts about spiritual life.  (Yes, the Enemy doesn’t care what you think about as long as you are not praying.)

One of those bombarded thoughts had to do with our works.  Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference between what God is doing in us and what we contrive on our own.  I constantly fight moving forward with ideas to implement God’s word.  I call it “fight” because many times this is my movement and not His.  I must wait for Him to show me when and how to move.  One of those distinct times in my life was when I began teaching four and fives.  The process that was involved in getting me to that place took about five years and I didn’t even realize it was going on until after it happened.  It’s a long story and I won’t go into it here, for that is not the reason for this post, but what I will say is that God does not need any help to get us where He wants us to be.  We just need to be faithful and committed where we are right now until He does the moving.

I’ve been teaching this age children now for many years and I will say that I am just as excited and passionate about this job as I was in the beginning.  And this coming from a person who had said, “I will never teach any child under first grade.”  Our lives must always be bowed down and open to the whatevers God has to bestow on us.  And we should know that it will be “immeasurably more than we ask or think.”  Take it from me, that has been proven in my walk with Jesus, time and time again!!

Well, back to the subject of today’s post:  Recently, I had someone say something that cast an inferior slur on this privilege with which I’ve been blessed.  It wasn’t malicious but it was like “just” teaching fours and fives was Christian Easy Street.   I’ve had many roadblocks in my walk as a believer and many through the years of teaching these precious little ones.  This is just one more roadblock, I know, but since it’s recent, it still rather nags on me. 

It was nagging today and I thought, “do I need to pray to be used of God another way?”  Do I need to teach older people?  As I thought on this, I realized that this is the Enemy working my most horrid sin to my disadvantage: PRIDE.  For what reason do I need to even think I need to move when God has not even hinted at this?  Is it for recognition?  I fear that’s it exactly.  And I know for a fact, that is NOT God! 

The children love me for a very short time.  In fact, a teacher of older children told me once that by the time she gets my group, I am merely a fuzzy memory!!  HA!!  She said that years ago and she was absolutely right!  For many of them, it’s not even “fuzzy”.  It’s completely gone!  But what does that matter.  What is my motive?  I want to be used to help equip these precious ones with a foundation that will be built on for many years and aid them in their seeking God.

So what does it matter if they ever remember me.  Not one whit!  God is my reason for everything I do.  He has told us that it is He “that works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13)   And 1 Peter 1:4 says that we have “an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade”.  And I’ll add “or be fuzzy”. 

“Only one life; ‘twill soon will be past.  Only what’s done for Christ will last.”                                            C. T. Studd

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