"Will I ever feel contented like I'm good enough to be. All the things in my mind that I invented. Will I ever feel like I deserve the happiness I seek. Or will I always be tormented. Is it wicked to wish for something more? For a glory or a guarantee? Will my heart sound like a whisper or a roar? And will I ever see...what you see in me?" [Song: "Indigo" by Roan Yellowthorn]
I identify with those words. Well, an identity that was me before I came to understand the gospel. The cry of the human heart is real. And while I don't want to minimize the cry of the heart of this young lady, she's definitely not alone in this search for meaning. And while she may feel alone, she is surrounded by a world that longs for this same hope, happiness, and guarantee.
Before I learned the truth about humanity and God, that unquenchable longing for identity, for validity became for me a goal that kept running from me, an illusive desire completely out of my reach. One day I cried out and a process began that is only explainable as supernatural. I began reading the Bible, a book I never desired to read and "behold, all things became new"! And for over forty years, the process, called sanctification has been more meaningful than anything else and yet it colors everything else.
Christ is our contentment, happiness, glory, and yes, a guarantee. He whispers and He roars. And I have heard Him through His word use both means to speak. In fact, all believers do. Hosea writes in 11:10, He will roar like a lion. And when He roars, His children shall come trembling..." In 1 Kings 19, "And behold the LORD passed by , and a great strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD , but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind, an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire, the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out stood at the entrance of the cave.
"And will I ever see what you see in me?" Who she was writing about in this line, I'm not sure. But using the same words, when Christ saves a person, what God sees in me and everyone else who have put their trust in Him, is the love He showed us. The love of His putting Himself in our place and taking the punishment for sin. And now, as long as there is a "now", offering us the hope in His name to understand the meaning of life and the freedom from sin and rescue from torment forever.
Was it random that I came upon this song? No, nothing is ever "random". It's tied up orderly in the Sovereignty of God, every detail. And now what is our responsibility to this?
